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I went through a rather difficult relationship culmination in 2009 that resulted in me taking the ultimate vow of celibacy until I established healthier sexual boundaries. Celibacy is amazing because it helps you establish where you stand in dating, mating, and relating and gives you clarity about the reality of the romantic situation youre dealing with. Dating can help create romantic relationships while sex often creates the illusion of healthy relationship. In high school I used to be so free when it came to sex. I would bed men without much thought of what would happen after, and had a lot of fun. As I grew older, casual sex began to slip further away from my life as i began to become more clear on what i wanted out of life in terms of my romantic relationships. All of that is positive however there was this sense of apprehension that haunted me when it came time to be physically intimate with the men i was dating.  I was determined not to repeat the spectacle of a situation that I went through in 2009. I was determined to not give myself sexually while receiving less than I deserved in relationships, so I withheld sex in the hopes of  getting the affection I desired. It ultimately hasnt gotten me any closer to my goal of marriage and children. 2019 would bring me a situationship that challenged me sexually. Although it didnt materialize into the committed relationship I desired it helped me get back to the free spirit I was in high school in terms of sex. Cardi B's " WAP" lyric " I dont cook. I dont clean, but let me tell you how I got this ring!!" is a personal testimony for me of how sex can be a deciding factor in a mans commitment to you if the WAP is being used properly. When it comes to sex I have to remind myself to be wild, free, and uninhibited for the dick if thats what I truly want, and have the knowledge that whatever comes next I will be whole, healed, and complete with a clear and stable state of mind. Indifference in dating can make all the difference. There should be a certain level of not caring even after certain events like traveling together, meeting the parents, and having sex as these usually translate into meaning something different for men as they do women. Anything less than exclusivity and commitment doesnt matter. When it comes to men you just have to know that youre going to be amazing no matter what he does. My heartbreak of 2009 damaged my ability to do this for myself, and my taking a risk in the 2019 situationship was the realization of how much Ive healed. Im excited to be back to my old self as Im a very sexual person that enjoys the love language of physical touch. I know that if a relationship doesnt escalate to the next level after being physically intimate its because it wasnt supposed to. I know that its my behavior after sexualy activity that a man will adopt and behaving as Im the prize is what will garner a positive reaction. I know that if Im being treated on par with my standards in dating then I have nothing to fear or lose by being sexual and everything to gain. Sex done properly and used correctly can help create relationship. Sex actually facilitates connection and helps create relationship. I praise and uphold the values of celibacy, but my thirties will be dedicated to reaping the benefits of being sexually free and in touvh with my inner wild woman. Im wishing a " first class pussy, crystal glass pussy" type of lifestyle that exemplifies the rewards that come with having healthy sexual relationships and boundaries for myself and all of my mermaids!

All my love! xoxo