Love, Sex, and Magic

 My twenties were just me writing the blueprint for what the divine feminine, dating, mating, relationships, and romantic experiences looked like for me. When people ask me where I am on my love journey I usually reply with " Ive dated some really amazing guys, but none of them have given me that magical feeling of wanting to be with them. " In retrospect and now on the cusp of being in my thirties I ask myself " What is that magical feeling?" Some relationship experts call it the "spark". The spark is that indescribable, drug like high of butterflies we feel in our chest when were deeply attracted to someone. Some of the time its emotional, but it ususally translates into an intense physical attraction. I realized I was placing way to much emphasis on the spark instead of what was being presented to me which was inevitably what I needed. If there is anyone who knows the importance of sexual chemistry in dating its me. However the spark can be dangerous and delude us into thinking weve got a catch when weve really acquired just another strong physical attraction. The spark usually happens with men who offer no other value besides physical attraction and are usually the ones who end up ghosting us and shortchanging us of a worthwhile romantic experience. I read the book " Becoming Beyonce : The Untold Story", and in the book it said that Beyonce and Jay-Z had a lot of fun together and the relationship had a lot of depth, but there wasn't a spark present. Beyonce and Jay-Z have been together for years which goes to show you that not only can the spark be created, it's not something you should use as a measuring cup of how much chemistry there is for a long term relationship. If the spark is the only deciding factor you lead with in determining if a man is worth your romantic attention you usually end up in relationships where you only have the spark and nothing to show for it. I realize that all women are not like me in the sense that they are dating to marry. However reflection of my younger twenties, and the clarity of what Im trying to create in love now in my thirties has led me to question men on a much deeper less superficial scale. I now look for a more subtle underlying sexual tension aspect and question men in other more profound ways. What are the benefits to having him in my life? Will he be a good father, provider, protector, and partner? What are the caliber of dates we have? Can I see myself involved in a long term relationship with him in the future,  that calls forth me to be my best self, based on how he treats me now? Can the spark be created? The reality is I wasnt destined to be in relationships with the men Ive dated in the past, but I look forward with gratitude and optimism at the future due to many of the men in my past ticking all of these boxes. I now know that the spark isnt what I should be chasing but stability. I encourage all women to reconsider their relationship to the spark in romance, as the spark could very well translate into a chemical red flag that tells you a man may be what you want physically but nothing of what you need in the grand scale long term picture. May we all strive for substance and depth instead of the fleeting pleasures of lower self based decisions. 

All my love mermaids! xoxo